so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
