it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
