Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Shame - the story of my life.
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