was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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