32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
