Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
