guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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