I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
