Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
