What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This house was built for laser tag.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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