if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
