Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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