did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
