That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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