I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize