i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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