every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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