I got chris browned last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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