Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
