Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
