I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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