dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
