Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Alive.
So much puke
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
