hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
