that's an acceptable place to lick
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
