If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
