he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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