you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
try to milk me bitch
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
