i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this beer tastes like vomit already
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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