how hairy? two words: wookie tits
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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