So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your penis caused this!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
