He had one of those small greek statue penises
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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