i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
