oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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