You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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