He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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