As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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