Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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