I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
