i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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