can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize