yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
