I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
be right there i have to get my cape
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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