dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
