Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
