Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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