she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
a search helicopter?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
