I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
