So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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