just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
