if i can run in heels then i can drive
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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