u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
