Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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