somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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