i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
