tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
