I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
