we're chasing vodka with high fives
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
