You really coming over, don't trick.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
