Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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