I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
