I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
