well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
