I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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