you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
