I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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