I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
