im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He felt like a one man threesome
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
