I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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