And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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